So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
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hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
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Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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