I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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