Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We're too hungover to prance.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
