Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
