im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
