hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
