there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
