worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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