We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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