Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Someone came in the potted fern
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
