I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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