It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
