1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm just crazy horny about you
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
