what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
