why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
