I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm too high and old for this...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
