Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
