There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
