the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
