He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
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Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
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If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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