I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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