Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
