dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
