I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
