So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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