I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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