Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
