wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
