Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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