They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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