Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
