i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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