Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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