Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
