Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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