Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This gyro tastes like lonliness
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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