i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
