So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
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I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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