on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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