You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
