hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
