Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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