no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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