obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
