Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
