Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
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I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
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I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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