Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
