never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
