I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
