im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
