Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
