we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
