If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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