those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
