So drunk its hurt
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
