I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
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