You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
