Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
