yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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