Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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