He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
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