better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
