If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
