I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
