considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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