I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
