The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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