I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
