I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
