I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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