i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
