My first STD was from a foam party
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
3pm strippers are depressing
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
