I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
