So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
