oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
