i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
