There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
