i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
