We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
