She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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