Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
