you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
